Stop being grateful…
…it might be hurting you
The idea pranced into my consciousness like a chorus line of dancing Barbie dolls.
It was being trumpeted everywhere, by people who seemed smart and savvy and admirable.
‘Every single day, write down five things that you’re grateful for, big or small. Soon you’ll be happier, more content and more successful.’
So I started a gratitude journal:
I am grateful for the sunshine.
I am grateful for the delicious chocolate cake I ate.
I am grateful for the view of the sea from my window.
I wrote in my gratitude journal every day for months. And while I was diligently scribbling, my life was a mess – I was in a bad relationship, had a toxic job and was living in a truly awful house-share. But the gratitude journal did nothing to help me face all of that — in fact, it probably numbed me to everything. It was a candied distraction.
The gratitude journal was like putting rainbow sprinkles on rotten eggs, or raspberry swirl on roadkill. It was this weird, pastel-hued repression that makes me cringe to remember, several years later. Yet the internet was insistent that it was a really-good-thing-that-everyone-should-do.
But think about it — what’s the point in writing ‘I’m grateful for this lovely cup of earl grey tea’ when deep down, all you really want to do is run into the middle of the street and scream until crows stream out of your mouth and blacken the sky?
And when it comes to creativity, how can you make a truly honest and raw piece of work when you’re living in a state of plastic gratitude? I’m not sure that you can. The way I see it, genuine, heart-swelling gratitude has very little in common with Daily Gratitude TM. The former heals, while the latter anaesthetises. It’s the death of real expression.
So here’s what I wish I’d written in my gratitude journal instead:
Maybe those questions would have made a difference. Maybe they would have broken me out of my numbness.
I think true gratitude feels like love, not neurotic cheerfulness. For this reason, it’s a gift for the soul and should be cultivated. But Daily Gratitude TM is about as nourishing as a knitted banana, so feel free to burn any journals you might have.
If you liked this you might also like Why I Never Ask People About Their Day Jobs.
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This Substack is written by a wandering Scottish writer who is currently travelling across the UK as a full-time house-sitter. I hope that you’ll join me on the journey.