Through the Firefly Forest: D is for Dreamer...
Is your sleeping self trying to tell you something...?
This letter is part of my Through the Firefly Forest: The Creative Journey series, where I look at the gifts and challenges of the creative life (one alphabet letter at a time). Start here, at A is for Apple Tree…
Dear You,
It’s a strange thing but whenever I keep a dream diary, my dreams seem to change. By some alchemy of pen, paper and attention they become deeper and more vivid, their messages heartfelt and urgent.
My dreams are like a person, long ignored, who finds themselves suddenly listened to and as a result, spills out everything in a rush. There were things that I only half knew I wanted, or had forgotten that I wanted, or was afraid to even want, that my dreams are now revealing to me. For instance, they will lead me through some faraway town in sleep and when I wake up, I know that’s where I have to travel to next. My dreams dissolve crossroads and confusion, leaving only a single path.
Ironically, their underlying message seems to be ‘Don’t stay asleep’ — but I don’t mean physical sleep, of course. No, I mean the long sleep that can creep into your waking life, the anaesthetising sleep caused by the thousand tiny burrs of disappointment that bury deep into your soul, bleeding it.
The pain can be too much so we fall into a stupor, numbed out and forgetful. We move through our days only half awake, strangers to ourselves. We pursue goals that don’t really matter to us, try to lose ourselves in other people, or fade away into the comforting hum of shopping, eating and working.
But our dreams are always there, murmuring in the background, ready to remind us of who we really are (and I mean ‘dreams’ in both senses of the word, yet there’s little difference between the two).
But you will soon find all of this out for yourself, the deeper you travel into the Firefly Forest. For you will realise that there are certain glades and clearings, certain caves and trees, that will soothe you into an enchanted sleep. And the dreams that you have in these places are not the confusing kaleidoscopic slideshows you are used to.
No, these dreams are different, they come from a deeper place, they are your actual soul twisting and flickering its way up through your heart and into your mind. These dreams bring truth in sleep and an aching loss when awakening. As you open your eyes, some lovely scene melts away like a rainbow and you are lost, because a comet of a dream has tunnelled its way right through you, leaving you hollowed out.
These dreams tell you who you really are. They bring an urgent, burning feeling, an unsettling feeling, the feeling of coming back to life. Suddenly, it’s unthinkable that you won’t live, create or even breathe exactly as you want to. These are dangerous dreams, for they have the power to turn your whole world upside down. They cannot be trusted. They are the only things that can be trusted.
And so as you wake up in your glade in the Firefly Forest, your pillow of moss damp with dew and dawn still barely a promise, you realise that you are filled with a longing you can’t name. It’s as if, while you slept, the real you crept up, lay down beside you and whispered the truth into your ear. And in that moment, you were stripped away of everything false, every mask and pretence. In fact, anyone stumbling upon you both in the dark would have seen you as twins, indistinguishable.
In your sleep you were wandering through the labyrinth of your heart, each truth a desire and each desire a truth. But now you are awake and it’s all fading away and you want to find that feeling again in real life, but what if you fail? This is where the battle between your dreams and fears begins.
Are you ready for that battle? Of course not — no one ever is. But try to make a start, anyway. It can be a small start. It can be as small as a scribbled poem or a sketch in the corner of a notebook or a simple truth that you need to tell.
So pay attention to the dreams that you have in the secret glades of the Firefly Forest. For they are the compass pointing to your desires. They are the looking glass revealing what’s hidden inside. They are the wild things that claw into your mind to remind you of who you really are.
Listen to them. Don’t ignore them. Your true path is waiting for you in the dark and your dreams are the lanterns that will light the way.
Love,
Deborah x
P.S. Night with Her Train of Stars by Edward Robert Hughes.
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